Are You Happy?

There is something about coming close to death that makes life more precious.  Every minute takes on a little more meaning and often makes us rethink our priorities.  The question is you doing the things that make you happy?  Or are you doing things that have become a habit or duty for your life?

As we live lives it’s so easy to get in a groove of just doing things that we need to do to survive.  In the rut we create we loose track of our dreams and goals and loves and the happiness vibration that is within us.  As I examined my life, I found that for much of my life I had been doing something that I really did not like, but something that paid the bills.  I discovered that I had really pushed my dreams aside for the good of supporting my family.  Those pushed-aside-dreams are difficult to recover.

I needed to find out who I was and was to be.  I needed to find out how to bring the dreams and loves back into my life.  As a Christian the whole area of finding myself is intertwined in what He wants me to do and His purpose for my life.  The whole process of discovery has been amazing.

Why am I talking about this in relation to cancer?  I talked before about how our attitude affects the immune system.  Negativity and anger suppress our ability to heal ourselves.  Finding out how to be truly happy would certainly affect my own healing process.

What is this elusive happiness?  Of course, it’s unique for each of us just as our relationship with God is unique.  Going through cancer and getting close to death forces us to go one of two ways: bitter or better.  Honestly, throughout my disease journey, I have been both.  I see people who have taken both directions in the waiting rooms and clinics.  I have reacted poorly and angrily many times which was not good for my healing.

I am not completely sure not sure how I came to the point of accepting the disease as being from the Lord.  I am not sure when I began believing that He was in the process with me.  Somehow He got it through my thick head that He was perfecting me as the Bible talks about in James 1:2-4.  Understanding how a trials-equals-perfection life is a positive thing has been quite a ride.

Lord, how have You made the introvert a breath of fresh air to many around him?  How have You taken an arrogant man and made him humble and accepting of what comes his way.  How have you made me a person who talked to no one into a person who talks to everybody in a waiting room or a clinic?  How have you shown me that my happiness is in relationship with You and others?  How have You shown me that my happiness is about a deep relationship with people and You?

I am not sure completely how all of this took place. I know that the change has taken place on spiritual and mental levels that I cannot grasp.  I have become the happiest person I have ever been in my life.  I know that comes from being intertwined with You and others, but a by product is it that is encourages healing within my body.  What has happened is a true miracle that I am incapable of understanding.  I just want to keep up and enjoy the ride.