The Balance Between Positiveness and Practicality

This area of positiveness is still new to me.  I have been such a pragmatist and logical person almost to the point of being negative much of my life.  Through the cancer and MDS the Lord has allowed me to see the positive side of life.  I know the benefit of being positive and keeping my immune system in the best condition to fight the diseases naturally.  And I will maintain positiveness at all costs knowing the Lord has my back.

When does practicality have its place?  Can I get too far down the path of positiveness that I am ignoring what is happening to me?  Or is letting the thoughts of practical thinking diminish my positiveness and consequently thwart the action of my immune system?

I am not sure that I have answers to these questions.  I am not sure that I am on any kind of natural timetable with my body any more.  I have to give it to Him and not worry about what is going on with my body.  My logical mind has me dead in weeks or months based on how quickly my body energy is decreasing.  I can get all down, depressed, and crazy, but I choose not to think about it.  Sometimes thoughts creep back in, but I just give them to the Lord.

He still seems to have things for me to do and is using me and that is all that matters.  Mentally and spiritually I am the best that I have ever been.  I am more active in ministry than I have ever been.  I am engaging in the lives of those around me helping them have fun and enjoy life.  Sometimes my body doesn’t keep up, but so be it.

What does all of that mean?  Someday I may not be able to walk, but that is not today.  Someday I may be in a wheelchair, but is not today.  Right now none of that is happening.  Right now I rejoice in what the Lord has allowed for me to do this day, how I have been allowed to speak into others lives.  I cannot worry about the tomorrow that I have been guaranteed.

I have to remember that Stephen Hawking writes book with the movement of his eyes.  If He wants to use me, He will keep me alive and figure out a way to get His message out through me.  My life and my body is no longer my own.

Long Term Illnesses Can Mess With Your Head

I didn’t think that I would be adding much more to this blog since the cancer has been in remission for over two years and the MDS seemed to fairly stable.  I guess I have been a little anxious lately about this incurable disease that the various drug regimens don’t seem to be able to control.

I know that I am to be anxious about nothing, but I don’t seem to be able to shake this feeling that my condition is worsening.  I guess that is a lack of faith.  It is definitely a lack of faith since I am not putting my life completely in the Lord’s hands.  I have a meeting with my oncologist tomorrow and I think that we need to have a very frank discussion about where this is going.

I guess that I really don’t know why this one seems to be getting to me.  The rest I have been able to get my peace and remain positive about the situation.  If I begin to think that I surely am going to die, will I die sooner?  The statistics say so.  I weaken my immune system and don’t fight disease as hard.  Why would I do that?  Why would I not go to the Lord and exchange this burden for His light one as I have done so far?  What is so different?

I think in this one I am generally well and my mind is clear. That can be a dangerous place for me to be.  I can over think what is going on and concentrate on what seems to be happening in this world and not realize that the spiritual world is what matters.  He has the plan for me and He unfolds is as He pleases and in His time.  For some reason I am not resting in that plan.

I think that another thing is that I don’t deal well with complements.  I had a nurse at the oncologist’s office call me one of the most positive people that he had met.  I just don’t do well with that.  I tend to take it in more than I should and not reflect it back to the Lord who really caused it to happen.  I want to regain that balance realizing that I am really the Lord’s to do with what He chooses.  I am nothing by myself.

Lord, take this anxiety and any wrong thoughts that I have and use me for whatever you will.  I don’t want these thoughts and feelings.  You are going to take when You will whether that is 20 minutes from now or 20 years.  Help me be secure in that fact.  Help me to remember that You have the best plan for me and that I cannot and desire not to effect that.  Help me to rest in You and your security.

Writing this part a little later, I have recovered peace.  Writing seems to be my therapy for talking out my inside doubts and fears.  The Lord is always faithful to exchange our sinfulness for His righteousness.  I don’t understand that at any level in this world, but I know that it works supernaturally.

I didn’t think that I would be adding much more to this blog since the cancer has been in remission for over two years and the MDS seemed to fairly stable. I guess I have been a little anxious lately about this incurable disease that the various drug regimens don’t seem to be able to control.

I know that I am to be anxious about nothing, but I don’t seem to be able to shake this feeling that my condition is worsening. I guess that is a lack of faith. It is definitely a lack of faith since I am not putting my life completely in the Lord’s hands. I have a meeting with my oncologist tomorrow and I think that we need to have a very frank discussion about where this is going.

I guess that I really don’t know why this one seems to be getting to me. The rest I have been able to get my peace and remain positive about the situation. If I begin to think that I surely am going to die, will I die sooner? The statistics say so. I weaken my immune system and don’t fight disease as hard. Why would I do that? Why would I not go to the Lord and exchange this burden for His light one as I have done so far? What is so different?

I think in this one I am generally well and my mind is clear. That can be a dangerous place for me to be. I can over think what is going on and concentrate on what seems to be happening in this world and not realize that the spiritual world is what matters. He has the plan for me and He unfolds is as He pleases and in His time. For some reason I am not resting in that plan.

I think that another thing is that I don’t deal well with complements. I had a nurse at the oncologist’s office call me one of the most positive people that he had met. I just don’t do well with that. I tend to take it in more than I should and not reflect it back to the Lord who really caused it to happen. I want to regain that balance realizing that I am really the Lord’s to do with what He chooses. I am nothing by myself.

Lord, take this anxiety and any wrong thoughts that I have and use me for whatever you will. I don’t want these thoughts and feelings. You are going to take when You will whether that is 20 minutes from now or 20 years. Help me be secure in that fact. Help me to remember that You have the best plan for me and that I cannot and desire not to effect that. Help me to rest in You and your security.

Writing this part a little later, I have recovered peace. Writing seems to be my therapy for talking out my inside doubts and fears. The Lord is always faithful to exchange our sinfulness for His righteousness. I don’t understand that at any level in this world, but I know that it works supernaturally.

Is There Power in Positive Thinking?

This positive thinking thing is hard to figure out the value of and even harder to implement.  Most of the people say that a person must keep a positive outlook in order to not only have a good mental attitude but help in the healing process itself . Is there anything to it?

Being a Christian, I try to run everything past scripture to give me a gage of what is correct thinking.  Paul tells us the kind of things we should be thinking in Philippians 4:8 where he states:

Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable–if anything is excellent or praiseworthy–think about such things.

Is thinking about these things considered positive thinking?  There is certainly nothing negative in the list.  If these are not the things that we are to be thinking about, then what does positive thinking look like?  I want to get the correct perspective because I have seen people look like they are incredibly positive and be so negative.  I know I don’t want that.

I like it when I think about true, noble, right, or pure things as Paul suggests.  When I am in that state of mind, I am seldom thinking about myself.  The key to this positive thinking game seems to be focusing more on others and their needs and consider their situation above my own.  I know that I have to be thinking of others more than myself to be at all pleasant to be around.

Is it as simple as thinking of others?  That does not seem to be right since I am supposed to be positive about myself.  We are commanded in scripture in many places to think of others more highly than ourselves.  There is certainly something to it.

Is positive thinking constantly saying that things will be alright for me?  To me that is awfully shallow.  Personally I would rather seek to have peace with my God and with those around me.  If I can arrive at that place, then much of the rest of life falls into place and studies show that your thoughts strengthen your immune system.

I am not sure that having a positive attitude and trying to “will” my illness really changes much in our bodies or whatever we are trying to heal.  The actions and decisions of God determine the direction healing takes.  But the positive, peaceful person is much more pleasant to be around than those who are not.

The attitude that you have throughout this whole process in a choice and most people don’t get that simple fact.  Most of the time we react to situations the way we always have rather than choosing from the options available.  That behavior often comes from how we have been raised.  It is a simple choice to choose happiness, but for some that is complicated.  I would rather rest in the hands of the creator and choose to be positive about the situation makes my life a lot more fun to live.

Anger Is Not Your Friend

This has been two days that I’m not proud of.  Something happened in my life separate from all of the cancer/MDS things that made me angry.  It was one of those character challenging events that seem so important at the time, and the whole event made me mad.  To this point I have not be able to talk with anyone to resolve any of the issues.  When I get angry, it tends to consume me regardless of how much I pray or give it to the Lord.

Unfortunately, this anger spills over into other areas of my life.  Anything that I encounter in my life that does not meet my expectations tends to set me off.  I get angry at administration procedures that require ridiculous repetition.  I get angry at the amount of time that I spend in waiting rooms.  This bad attitude that accompanies my anger gets aimed at all of the nurses and administrators that I encounter.  It’s not a pleasant time.

The worst reactions are inside of me.  I don’t have peace.  I don’t have my positive attitude.  I am no fun to be around.  Even worse, the behavior ripples through my body and affect my healing process.

Anger isolates us.  No one wants to come near and I don’t blame them.  I don’t like to be isolated because I know where it leads.  I don’t want Satan to have any control or influence in my life.  I know that I will eventually have the discussions to that will resolve my current issue.  I know that prayers to the Lord will help me deal with any residue from the discussions.  I know that my current anger condition is temporary.

The bad thing is that some people carry that kind of anger with them all of the time.  Somehow they get stuck in the anger phase in the process of accepting what has happened to them.  After the anger sinks into their being, they are definitely miserable.  All of those around them feel the anger and the tension and don’t enjoy interacting with the person.  These people have no peace with others, with God or themselves.

The ramifications are many if this kind of behavior and attitude continues.  No one knows for sure how much this kind of attitude affects the immune system and the natural healing process of the body.  Studies indicate that generally a good attitude promotes a good immune system leading to quicker healing.  Anger and negativity inhibit the very process that can make them well.

Personally I am fortunate.  Anger does not form the backdrop of my life.  Generally I am at peace.  I am grateful that God has given me this peace and I pray that you and all people with cancer would have it as well.  If you don’t have it, ask the Lord for it through prayer.  Talk with friends who can help you achieve peace.  If we choose anger, we are certainly no fun to be around and oddly enough you are taking steps to shorten your life.