Are the Scheduled Procedures Managing You?

There have been at least two times that I can think of in my journey that the scheduled procedures that I had to go through seem to have been managing my life rather than the other way around.  Things just occur sometimes and it seems that we have no control of our lives.  Sometimes that really frustrates me and I tend to push back against it.  Then I have to remember that my doctors are trying to keep me alive.

The first time procedures seemed to control my life was when I had just started the multiple myeloma treatments.  The procedures started by toughening my bones by taking promidrinate on a frequent basis.  The doctors also wanted to arrest the cancer so they started radiation treatments at the same time.  The radiation was extensive and I seemed to be going twice a week or more.  At the time I was sick enough that that I really did not notice the schedule.

The other time that I am feeling the press of scheduled procedures on my life is now.  The difference is that I feel well and am quite active even holding down a part-time job.  The cancer is gone, but I am dealing with MDS which suppresses my ability to produce enough blood cells.  When the MDS is at its worst, I need frequent transfusions which at the moment is twice a week.  I also take a chemotherapy drug named Vidaza that works on at correcting my bone marrow.  Those procedures occur seven times a month.  Sometimes I feel like my procedures are taking over.

It’s really easy to get annoyed and frustrated.  It is really easy to ask what the Lord is doing in this situation.  It’s even pretty easy to be fearful about what is going to happen as the procedures get closer and closer together.  Those are all of the things that go through my mind when I am thinking in my own power and start to feel pity for myself.

Then I have to stop and realize whose I am.  I have to realize that He is in control and that He has a plan.  I know that He is giving me today and that I am going to try to enjoy it and the people around me as much as I can.  I just pray for another day like this one. Thank you Lord for what You have done so far and for what You will do in the future.

Are You Scared?

I try not to let anyone sit alone in an oncology waiting room.  For whatever reason, the Lord has made me particularly chatty at this time in my life.  The people that I most like to talk to are the young people.  I look for the one’s that seem to be sitting the room in fear, the ones where this is their first visit.  I usually ask them this question, “Are you scared?”

Cancer scares us to death.  When we hear the “C” word we think of nothing but bad things particularly if we have seen a lot of cancer in our family.  Scripture says that perfect love drives out all fear.  That scripture is far easier to say than to implement in our lives.

After we get over the initial shock of hearing that we have cancer, most of us go through stages in dealing with the event.  Elizabeth Kubler-Ross describes the steps that we go through in facing death and they seem to apply here.  Her stages are:

• Denial – We just don’t believe that the condition exists.  Unfortunately this keeps some people from getting their diagnosis confirmed and action to be taken.
• Anger – Nearly everyone that I talk to has been angry at someone or something or God or in many cases themselves.
• Bargaining – This is a stage where we begin to subtly or openly bargain, usually with God, for some kind of healing.
• Depression – When the thought finally sets in that we have cancer and we have to go through the cure without a guaranteed outcome, we get very sad if not depressed.  This lasts a long time for some and not so long for others.
• Acceptance – If we are going to have any chance at being healthy in our journey you have to get to the point of accepting the cancer and your own mortality.  This stage is crucial to attain peace throughout the process.

Maybe you will have all of the stages, maybe few, or perhaps none.  The point is that fear of the unknown that you face is a very real thing that you need to accept it and deal with it.  Facing the truth of what is happening to you moves you towards fully accepting what life now has in store for you.

There are scriptures and promises of God that apply here.  “I will never leave you nor forsake you”, “Your name is written in the palm of My hand”, “Call on Me and I will answer”, and “Come to Me all who are heavy laden and I will give you rest”.  These will come to mind at the oddest times in your journey.  Let Him work with your heart through this.  That’s how the perfect love cases out all fear.