Are the Scheduled Procedures Managing You?

There have been at least two times that I can think of in my journey that the scheduled procedures that I had to go through seem to have been managing my life rather than the other way around.  Things just occur sometimes and it seems that we have no control of our lives.  Sometimes that really frustrates me and I tend to push back against it.  Then I have to remember that my doctors are trying to keep me alive.

The first time procedures seemed to control my life was when I had just started the multiple myeloma treatments.  The procedures started by toughening my bones by taking promidrinate on a frequent basis.  The doctors also wanted to arrest the cancer so they started radiation treatments at the same time.  The radiation was extensive and I seemed to be going twice a week or more.  At the time I was sick enough that that I really did not notice the schedule.

The other time that I am feeling the press of scheduled procedures on my life is now.  The difference is that I feel well and am quite active even holding down a part-time job.  The cancer is gone, but I am dealing with MDS which suppresses my ability to produce enough blood cells.  When the MDS is at its worst, I need frequent transfusions which at the moment is twice a week.  I also take a chemotherapy drug named Vidaza that works on at correcting my bone marrow.  Those procedures occur seven times a month.  Sometimes I feel like my procedures are taking over.

It’s really easy to get annoyed and frustrated.  It is really easy to ask what the Lord is doing in this situation.  It’s even pretty easy to be fearful about what is going to happen as the procedures get closer and closer together.  Those are all of the things that go through my mind when I am thinking in my own power and start to feel pity for myself.

Then I have to stop and realize whose I am.  I have to realize that He is in control and that He has a plan.  I know that He is giving me today and that I am going to try to enjoy it and the people around me as much as I can.  I just pray for another day like this one. Thank you Lord for what You have done so far and for what You will do in the future.

When Everything in You Screams Enough

It will happen.  You will reach a limit physically, emotionally, spiritually, or maybe all three.  Darkness and death seem to be at the door and you think that you can’t take it anymore.  You will forget who the true healer is.  You think that I would rather die than take one more stinking procedure.

To say that most of us have already been there would be an understatement.  Some of us have been there more than once.  Most journeys through cancer aren’t easy.  If it’s not the disease, then it’s the radiation.  If not the radiation then it’s the chemotherapy.  If it’s not the chemo, then it’s the surgery.  Maybe it’s all of them coming together in your life.  Sometimes the grind is hard.

This is a time when you really don’t want to interact with anyone because they will see what a wimp you are or much worse, how shallow a Christian you are.  But I tell you this is the time to call on your support system.  You need to talk this out with others that you can be honest with.  Satan wants you to be isolated and alone during this time so that he can mess with your head.  Also, call on the Lord for His mercy, grace, comfort, and healing during this time.

What I just described is probably the last thing that you want to do.  You don’t have to do it.  It is literally your choice, but I can’t tell you how much my support group ministered to me during the dark times.  My friend, Terry, took me to some on my radiation treatments.  He and his wife came by with dinner and to cut my hair.  My friend, Roy, organized a group of men to cut my grass and to was on call if I needed things done.  My friend, Gary, also took me to radiation treatments and visited my in the hospital.  Countless others offered words of encouragement.

The one thing that I don’t want you to overlook is prayer.  I was prayed over by a group of people on four different occasions.  The one I cherish was organized by my son very early in the process.  Men came from a 100 mile radius to pray for me at my house.  Additionally, a large men’s group at my church prayed for me and the members of a Steven Ministries class that I was attending prayed.  I was prayed over by a group of Tres Dias brother’s and sisters at one of the gatherings.  I have no idea how many individual prayers there were.  I constantly run into who said that they were praying for me.  Don’t push this away, seek the prayers of others.

What is the secret to survival when the darkness starts closing in?  Do what you can to let light shine into your life.  Contact Christian friends and talk with them.  Belong to some kind of group where you can share freely if you are able.  You can find these in your church and in many hospitals.  Seek the Lord and His illuminating light.  Resist the temptation to go this alone.  There are many who want to step into your life with you.