This area of positiveness is still new to me. I have been such a pragmatist and logical person almost to the point of being negative much of my life. Through the cancer and MDS the Lord has allowed me to see the positive side of life. I know the benefit of being positive and keeping my immune system in the best condition to fight the diseases naturally. And I will maintain positiveness at all costs knowing the Lord has my back.
When does practicality have its place? Can I get too far down the path of positiveness that I am ignoring what is happening to me? Or is letting the thoughts of practical thinking diminish my positiveness and consequently thwart the action of my immune system?
I am not sure that I have answers to these questions. I am not sure that I am on any kind of natural timetable with my body any more. I have to give it to Him and not worry about what is going on with my body. My logical mind has me dead in weeks or months based on how quickly my body energy is decreasing. I can get all down, depressed, and crazy, but I choose not to think about it. Sometimes thoughts creep back in, but I just give them to the Lord.
He still seems to have things for me to do and is using me and that is all that matters. Mentally and spiritually I am the best that I have ever been. I am more active in ministry than I have ever been. I am engaging in the lives of those around me helping them have fun and enjoy life. Sometimes my body doesn’t keep up, but so be it.
What does all of that mean? Someday I may not be able to walk, but that is not today. Someday I may be in a wheelchair, but is not today. Right now none of that is happening. Right now I rejoice in what the Lord has allowed for me to do this day, how I have been allowed to speak into others lives. I cannot worry about the tomorrow that I have been guaranteed.
I have to remember that Stephen Hawking writes book with the movement of his eyes. If He wants to use me, He will keep me alive and figure out a way to get His message out through me. My life and my body is no longer my own.
Cancer Faith and You 